Thursday, May 2, 2013

We now return to Oz

I'm sorry for those who are diligent followers of this blog. I appreciate you greatly and hope that you'll continue to come back despite the gap in time. I've been away the past few weeks. Clicked my heels and headed back to Kansas for various reasons. Here they are in no particular order and with their subsequent outcomes:

1. I got to see and hang out with my family. Despite my ridiculous work schedule (more on that later) we had a great time. Got to hang out with my MoH (Meg of Honor), various friends from church, parents, siblings, and of course the sweet little niece and nephew. My Button got so big and decided to start walking/talking/singing after I left. And of course W was his usual sweet, silly self. Oh, and my sister's dog ate her ducks and they subsequently got new ducks. Hysterical.
He's such a character
Peek-a-boo! Big brother taught her how to say "Boo!"

New ducks!
2. Scarecrow and I were able to go to Denver and be a part of one of my best friend's weddings. She and I were roommates and friends all throughout college and have managed to stay really close since then. It was so much fun to be part of it all and her husband is such a sweetie. A happy life lays in store for them. Oh, and between the newlyweds, the Scarecrow and myself, and our other college roomie and her husband we are totally planning a vacation together. And now to start saving...

A beautiful day for a wedding.

Gorgeous bride getting done up.
Hair up!
The "04" club. We all met the bride in 2004. One of us was born that year...

Before heading back we got to catch some of the Kansas City Blues v. Denver Highlanders rugby match. The Blues were staying in our hotel and Scarecrow went up to chat with them. He though it was funny chatting with a fella from Cork who plays for Kansas City in a hotel in Denver.
3. Alright, the main reason I went over was to defend my thesis. For those who don't know I have been working on my Master's degree for the past 2 1/2 years. It was something I always thought I wanted and have worked really hard to get to this point. However, for the majority of that time I felt like I was swimming upstream. I knew it was going to be hard. Nothing worth having is ever easy. Particularly over the last few months I've felt my thesis fighting back. I wasn't getting clear results, I felt unsure as to the actual application of some of my data and in general have just felt lost. I was working towards what I realize now was an unrealistic deadline, forcing me to compromise my work and to not allow myself sufficient time to prepare. And so the day of my thesis defense was excruciating. I couldn't defend it or myself. I felt like an utter moron in front of my committee and to myself. My mind quite literally went blank and I was a fumbling idiot. Unsurprisingly, they didn't pass me. I suppose you could say they told me this in the nicest way possible but there really is not soft way to put it.

Scarecrow met me in the hallway after it was all over and we raced to the car so I could bawl my eyes out. I felt empty and scared that somehow I had wasted the last 2 1/2 years of my life, that I was now unemployable and  going to have to work in a Supermac's (Irish McDonald's essentially). But the Scarecrow told me he still loved me and was proud of me. We went home and my sweet mom who doesn't swear hardly at all hugged me and told me KU could go to hell. I know, but that's pretty strong language coming from her. Then we sat down and ate dinner with my parents and little brother. Afterwards the rest of the family including aunts, uncle, cousin, grandparents, and my sister's family came over and we ate cookie bars and played games. I was still hurting from the day but it was made less so knowing that everything was still ok. My nephew still thinks I'm Spider-Man. I can still laugh and play cards with my aunts and cousin. And Grandpa will still say I'm "dynamite".

The next day we flew home and now here we are. We're getting back to reality and I'm working towards new goals, finding work and finishing my thesis. This time though I'm going to do it the right way. Work towards completion, not a deadline. I'm going to work towards happiness and taking care of myself, my husband and my step-daughter. With new priorities aligned here's hoping for the best.

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